I’m a realy picky eater. It’s a fact and not something that I’m totally proud of. Being a picky eater makes going out to dinner difficult since I always need to pre-google the menu to ensure there will be something I’ll eat or risk ordering a salad I may or may not end up just picking at. I do like enough things that I can eat like a normal person, and I will try things if I’ve never had them before. The thing is I like what I like, I usually have the same thing everywhere I go since it’s safe and I enjoy it.
My issue is this:
It seems every time I go out to eat or even to get a coffee/tea I have to triple check that the people making or providing my food have made it properly. Take in point my tea, Since I discovered Steeped tea at Tim Horton’s I’ve been in love with it. I like to have my medium (previously large) steeped tea with one cream and two sugars. Sounds easy enough right? Especially since they have those fancy cream and sugar dispensers. Well usually I end up with a tea that has 2 cream and 1 sugar, 1 milk and 2 sugar the odd time I get it black and more often than you might think, I end up with coffee. Yesterday I ordered a coffee from the shop at work, they gave me decafe even though I didn’t order it that way. I worked at starbucks for a year I know how easy it is to mishear someone, but the consistency of the screw-ups at Tim Horton’s is getting me a bit beyond annoyed.
You know what I hate? Me. Ok not me in that I hate my life and I want to die kind of way but in the..if this were anyone else I would think they were stupid and probably laugh at them kind of way.
My issue is this (and it’s a mental one)
Money. My issue today is money. Maybe not just today but most days. I stress about money a lot and even when it’s not really needed to be stressed about.
I grew up in a very poor house. My dad was going to school and my mom was working her butt off for 1500 a month. We had the lights shut off and ground beef was a staple of our dinners. Now I’m actually doing pretty well. I make about 2800 a month and only have about 1860 in bills. My upbringing however has damaged my money handling skills. When I have money, I’m scared it’ll disappear before I get anything I want so I spurge and buy everything and anything. I always make sure my bills are paid … now…at least. Since I moved out on my own I’ve worked two jobs to make sure I had money for myself as well as my bills. And I’ve sort of always felt like I should work twice as hard since I buy myself things. But I left my most recent second job in May..and I’m feeling the pinch of one income. Take my last cheque, I was planning to spend 100 getting my passport, putting 200 into my savings account and that left almost 200 as my ‘play money.’ Instead I went to the mall on Wednesday night and after spending 50 on slippers and pants I spent 130 on work clothes. That’s already 180 of the 200 I gave myself, add 20 for dinner and 50 for dinner Saturday, slowly we’re not putting anything into savings and I’m angry with myself. Well I guess it’s not really that slow. So by this week I’m frustrated that I put nothing into savings but I’m also frustrated that I needed the clothes for work and wanted the slippers and shouldn’t I be able to give myself these things since I work hard. Then I start looking for second jobs so that I feel better about buying myself things, because if I let the money from my day job cover things like my bills and my savings account, then anything I make at the second job should be just for me right? Stupid..I know.
I’ve been told by my family and fiance that I’m not allowed to get another second job. That my days of working 15+ hour days are over and I need to deal with it. But .. But… I want things. I want to go to Vegas in Feb, I want to pay for my wedding, I want to buy a new car and I want to move into a new home..maybe a rent to own type situation. I want a baby which will cost money…I want. I want. I want! And I’m not afraid to work for it. But I understand my family, they don’t want me tired and stressed and generally…blah from working all the time and I don’t like it either, I miss my fiance and cooking dinner and going to the gym, so no second job. Just…stressing about all the things I want.
Mental. I know.
So I decided to post online seeking friends. Nothing crazy just people who may or may not share my interests and who may or may not want to hang out once in a while since my closest friends are always busy when I’m not. Well I had a few replies, one girl seemed really interesting and we were emailing like crazy. Really getting to know each other. She was complaining that people find her too out spoken…
My issue is this:
This person literally said ‘ I feel I can’t speak my mind because people disagree with me and shun me for my opinion.’ So I saw some news and had an opinion about it so I wrote to her about this opinion..maybe not my finest moment of ranting but she said herself she’s not able to rant as she would like…so what does she reply to my rant?? Nothing. Been 2 weeks and not a word. Am I crushed beyond words? No of course not this person wasn’t really anything to me, but she had potential. I thought she’d be someone I could have coffee with, alas I was wrong. I just hate people that lie. I don’t think she intentionally lied but it happened anyhow. She totally two faced me…. Like..Really…Some people!
“Hello. Can’t work today. Still queer.” (Quote attributed to Robin Tyler.)
It’s Olympic fever all over the world, and even though us Canadian’s are not huge in the Summer games we have a couple of medals to be proud of. We were, however robbed of a gold/silver shot by some pretty shotty officiating. I don’t know much about soccer, I only ever catch it on the news except for the one time I went with a friend to watch her then boyfriend play. I was excited for our women to beat the US team since it was a really good chance. The game was amazing and our ladies, though they were robbed played really hard and were gracious at the end.
My issue is this:
The Olympic games don’t have a review system.
Picture this, you’re playing your favourite game and you’re winning, like really winning. And you’re beating your rivals you’re on cloud nine until this woman makes a crap call..ok..fine…we can play through this…and you do! Bam no goal until the same woman makes another total crap call and you basically have to stand off to the side while she gives a point to your rival. A point that ties you. Now you have to work extra hard to try and win, knowing that the officials are favouring your rival. You’re being tripped and fouled all over the field and not a call against them. So you’re mentally defeated now, what difference does it make now? Even if you win there isn’t any way you’lll actually … win. So was the women’s soccer team yesterday. They played amazingly well, and they did so with all of the odds against them and the ref.
Why is it when things are this challenging and the stakes are so high there isn’t a fall back system to ensure fair play. There is a good chance the US team paid off the ref, it’s not unknown that they’ll do anything to win. And so what if they did, it should’nt just be up to her. There should be someone above her making sure the bullshit calls the ref makes on the field can be backed up by someone off the field. In a world where we can send a camera to Mars and have images within minutes we don’t have a backup video relay for our Olympics? Really? I watched the speed trials in the bikes and the Chinese were complaining that the Cuban woman ht their tire, looked like it to me from the slow motion replay but the judges said…no…doesn’t look like it. The commentators however, who watch the same video as the judges said otherwise. Synchronized swimming was another, the expert on the commentator panel was ‘blown away’ by two girls, the judges maybe didn’t see the same show as they scored them very low. The expert was shocked, she just kept repeating that the girls had a flawless difficult routine and didn’t deserve the scores they were getting . It seems the only fair events are those that are timed, hard to pay the time keepers off when there are coaches and fans and hell everyone staring at that huge time board. It’s sad when we can’t be guaranteed a fair game.
So who really cares if they dope? Does it change a lot when the ones who aren’t altering themselves are paying off the refs to alter the results?
Bring on the winter games!
Let me start by saying that as a gay woman I’m insulted when a company or a business takes a stand against ‘our kind’. I find the discrimination of gays a bit ludicrous. So when I hear of places like the current scandal with ‘Chick-fil-A’ I have to shake my head and say..Really..like REALLY?!
My Issue Is This:
I’m tired of the debating!! I’m tired of reading an article from one paper saying that the people who agree with the chicken folks are having a sit in and then the homosexuals are having a counter sit in because they want the exposure. I’m tired of reading about new companies who are refusing to work for people who are gay (the flower shop in Nova scotia and the bakeries in the states) and I’m tired of the gay people suing instead of educating. Honestly if the people at david’s bridal when I bought my dress refused my service I would have had a little tantrum and then loudly told them that they were losing good money. I wouldn’t go home and think about suing. I guess as a Canadian suing isn’t my first thought.
Honestly I feel like this is all very childish. On both sides. The chicken place is saying they don’t’ want to serve certain people. Well that’s fine I guess then all of the people they don’t want to serve can go somewhere else and when the chicken place is filing for bankruptcy wont we have a laugh. You have to remember, there are a lot of gay people in the USA, and those people have friends and family. So say for instance that a man is happily with his partner, they go to chicken place and get told…no chicken for you. They tell their friends and their families who then…tell their friends and hey, end of the day chicken has probably lost a few customers. They say that they would rather not serve those people then fine, don’t! But good luck with that bottom line when you arent’ serving that many. It’s like a child in a playground who doesn’t want to play the same game or by the same rules as everyone else, it becomes a bit lonely.
I personally don’t think that anyone should force their beliefs on anyone else. I’d like it if the world just accepted that people are going to do and say and think things you don’t do say or think and that’s…ok. You don’t have to agree you just have to accept and move on. So chicken accept that there are gay people, and gay people, accept that chicken doesn’t like you but is at least accepting you. I’m not asking Chick-fil-A (or the like) to march in a pride parade I’m just asking that they shut up and deal with the fact that people are different and that’s not always bad. You don’t have to like a man and another man getting married. You don’t have to attend the wedding you don’t have to congratulate them, but you shouldn’t deny them. And if they want chicken at their wedding, shut up and cook it.
Why is it when you get older making friends is so hard? Or at least for most of us it is.
I’ve never made friends easy. My brother could make friends with anyone, my fiance makes friends very easily. Me..not so much. However once I am your friend I’m very loyal, I’ll do anything for you and a great listener.
My issue is this.
As we get older we either have a core group of people that we count on who know us and love us just as we are or we spend the rest of our lives searching for that. I’m 30, I have a BFF who I can’t really count on for shit. She does know me pretty well but I’m sure she’d fail an exam of my details. My BFF is very focused on her own life, she’s always been very selfish and I’ve always just delt with it. In High school I ran with a group of about 8-12 people give or take a day or two a week. There was always someone to have lunch with or hang out with during spare periods. There were weekend parties and sleep overs. As we all got older our drama pushed us apart and rather than have those 8-12 people close to me, i have them as facebook friends and occasionally like their status.
Another great place to meet friends is work. Unless you graduated the youngest in the class. I’m always the youngest or darn close in my office area. For the longest time I couldn’t even relate to my co-workers since I was out partying and dating around while they were all married with kids. Now at least i’m settled and engaged. I’m still too young to enjoy their out of work company. I had a second job for much of my life, but I always seem to find second jobs where I’m the oldest and therefore again unable to really share in the interests of the people around me. We had friends over two weeks ago for a batman marathon (fiance is a huge fan) I think collectivly I might have still been older. Our friends range in ages from 20-21. Not exactly able to relate all the time. And when I say hey remember…. they look at me like i’m retarded…oh ya.. you weren’t born yet..I was 10 when you came around. Already hard to the world.
I live in an apartment with people whose personallity is so far from my own We can’t even pretend to like them.
And wwhat does that leave? I met my fiance on line. Through a friend i also met online. I have a few friends online and so I posted an ad on Kijiji looking for nothing but friendship. Seemed logical. I mean there has to be people out there with the same issue as me. I looked for a club to join or a class to take but there wasn’t one that involved drinking starbucks and shopping. I’ve had a couple replies. Two I deleted as they only really said ‘sure lets hook up.’ and I’m sketched out by anyone who would be so willing to meet not knowing anything about me. Two ladies asked questions and we’ve started a conversation on email. And a guy half started by insulting me (you’re older so you know i only want friendship…WHA?) but i gave him the bennifit of the doubt and replied to him..general questions. No point meeting for coffee only to find that we have nothing in common except coffee. The first reply I got was actually a guy wanting to know if I wanted a little ‘cock on the side’…*sigh* MEN!
What am I expecting? Honestly, nothing much. If I meet some of the people and hey we end up having loads in common and can handle coffee once in a while fantastic. If we become close friends wonderful. And if not..well I tried. The gym alone isn’t bad…………..
So, my wedding (yea a bride doesn’t talk about a whole lot more than that.) I’m back to being a bit pissed off about the fact that it’s nearly a year away and still I can’t get a glimmer of excitement from my family or my bff (read: Maid of honor)
I had lunch with the maid of honor (MOH). She and her long term man are hoping to get prego soon. Terrible plan if you ask me since she and he live in a small two bedroom condo and barely make ends meet. Infact she starts our conversation with LTM isn’t making great money in the summer as his job is slow and he may not make the bills for the month of Aug. Leaving that stress on her. Fine, you own a place together and really by law are married so what if you have to cover the bills, but please do not bring another mouth to feed into that kind of financial bullshit. Her choice of course, and since I’m very much in baby fever I just nod and agree. Anyhow I tell her that the final plan is that Fiance and I get married Sept 21 2013 in Vegas. *yay for final plans! I tell her this because I don’t want her to bullshit me by saying she didn’th ave enough time to save. I Stressed to her that there would be no excuse for her not to be there and she said ‘what if I’m too pregnant to fly’ to which I replied unless you’re over 35 weeks you’re fine. (take that!)
My issue is this:
Why the f**k am I having to … what feels like force her to go. Shouldn’t she be excited? Shouldn’t she want to stand up at my wedding? (**My friends TD and MC are very excited about my wedding but I don’t seem them often and TD can’t go to vegas as she’s not old enough and MC may not be able to because of $$**) Like REALLY! Ugh. The only person I really have to share anything about my wedding with is my fiance and that’s a bit hard if I want to talk about my dress. Everything in my life has been this way. Alone. I remember when I graduated from high school and my family was not excited about going. I actually am pretty sure they missed my name being called. There are no pictures of me in my powder blue skirt or pink sweater and white heels, no pictures of me taking the diploma from the principal. There are pictures of my brother though, worry not about that. I didn’t go to a traditional college either, I took a course through a vocational college but I still graduated and top of my class (98% final grade) surely my family had to be there for that? No, I didn’t even get treated to dinner. I can honestly say I don’t remember a single time when I have been toasted or publicly congratulated by my family. I quietly pat myself on the back and move on. My mother is currently focused on the fact that my fiance and I will likely give her the only grandkids she’s going to get (yup, the lesbians) So much so that almost every conversation we have is dominated by when are we having kids, why are we waiting, why don’t we start now. And no matter my answers or the plans we’ve made for our lives it’s never good enough for her. Story of my life, never good enough. I honestly wonder if I’ll have a MOH or if my bff will find a reason not to come to my wedding. Pretty sure I’ll have to dump her as a friend if that happens. Not that I see her that often anyhow..she’s very busy with her man. I’m actually trying to think of ways to meet new people. I need some new friends, ones my age. People I can spend time with when my fiance wants to watch her crappy movies. People I can go dancing with or the gym with because my fiance has zero interest in those things. Maybe I’ll have to join some kind of group.
I hate going to see a movie with my fiancé that I really have zero interest in and instead of her being appreciative off efforts she continuously says she can go with other people. Like me trying to share her interest is nothing. Ugh!